Here is a sneak peak at the revised/fixed first bit of my book:
I put it in a codebox so you can copy/paste it to your word document (turn on wordwrap) Otherwise it looks like a HUGE freaking post on here.
A Rise to Power by William Cooper - Copyright William Cooper 2011
Chapter 1: All Security Lost
The sun had just fallen below the stone walls, leaving looming shadows impairing Alexander?s vision. Beads of sweat rolled down the sides of his thin face, dripping onto the stone floor below. Panting, he quickly tried catching his breath. He began squinting as he focused on the task at hand: self-preservation. Out of the darkness crept three men, armed with wooden swords, who were panting just as heavily. Alexander brought his practice sword straight up in front of him in a defensive stance. The men wore armor to protect them. They slowly started forming a ring around him. Alexander shifted his stance, putting slightly more weight on his left foot, which was no more than a few inches behind his right, giving him the upper hand on a quick parry.
Then his ears, long and slightly pointed, twitched upon hearing footsteps coming from behind. He arched backward, bringing his right foot out and perfectly balancing on his left as a sword narrowly passed overhead. He then gave his sword a quick thrust into the abdomen of the attacker, who quickly clutched his stomach. He swung his foot around, causing his whole body to roll, planting the sword firmly into the back of his foe's head. Down he went, as Alexander landed perfectly on his feet, once again returning to his defensive stance, giving the others a glare. The three men stared in awe at Alexander?s feat, continuing their attempt in vain. The light started fading, making vision extremely difficult.
"Okay men, ?Alexander said with an exhausted yawn, ?that's enough training for today." He waived his hand to disband the session and the men who were once his foes smiled as if thanking him for the dismissal. They gathered the one laying on the ground, walking off toward a small tower left of the giant steel gate. He sat down with a thud against the south wall, just to the right of the gate. Alexander was tall, standing a little over six feet. His muscles were lean and well defined across his entire body from constant combat training. Alexander's eyes were a soft blue hue, like the peak of an ocean wave. His hair was a wild mess of short spikes, as red as a ruby shimmering in the light of the sun. His panting was now a steady stream of slow, deep breaths. He was just starting to let his muscles come to a rest when he noticed a shadow moving in the corner of his eye. Quickly jumping to his feet, he pulled his sword out and shouted, "Who's there? Show yourself!"
A figure lurked from out of the shadows, completely concealed by a cloak around him as black as the night. All Alexander could see through the darkness were his beady eyes which burned as bright as a fire. Slowly, the cloaked figure raised his right arm and began chanting. "Noa eh Gitneicse," was muttered softly from within the cowl. Alexander tried reacting quickly, thrusting his sword toward the chest of the being standing before him. Before he could deal a blow however, his sword morphed suddenly into a bouquet of flowers. It was then Alexander knew exactly who stood before him.
"Damn it Mephisto. You gave me quite a scare brother!" Alexander said angrily, letting out a sigh. He grasped Mephisto's forearm firmly as he discarded the flowers to the floor. "It is good to see you again. I wondered when you would return to the safety of the castle walls. That was my favorite training sword you know,? Alexander said as he looked down at the flowers with a frown.
Mephisto slowly pulled back the hood of his cloak, revealing the paleness of his skin and exposing the thick scar running like a river from the bottom of his right eye to the corner of his lips. He looked only a few years older than his sibling. His hair, which fell neatly just to the bottom of his shoulders, was the same soft blue as Alexander's eyes. Those eyes of his were unmistakable, especially since they were now uncovered, the same burning red expected from flowing lava. "It is so good to see your face again too brother,? He said cheerfully. ?You almost got me that time." He let out a quiet laugh at Alexander's expense.
"Are you still sifting libraries for parchment and paper helping you cause explosions where ever you go?" Alexander said, making a quip of his own. "Well, what have you brought me from your travels brother?? Alexander's heart was pounding at the ideas, "C'mon, out with it!"
Mephisto brought his finger to his lips, "Shh, you know to be quiet. Father must not see me here. You know he sent me away to study. If he found out I was slacking his fury would have no equal." Mephisto's tone became serious at the thought of being discovered. He began speaking as he shook off the idea.
"This time I did not bring you something to break; however, I did bring you something of importance." Mephisto, now wearing a crooked smile, said "It's a quest of grave importance!? Mephisto tried containing his excitement as he put his hand on Alexander?s shoulder. He motioned for his sibling to envision his scheme. "While studying in the town of Sahurmat, I came across scrolls that will guide us to the Mountain of Draugh." Looking puzzled, as Alexander often did when his brother came back with tales rather than treasures, he was struggling to grasp what was getting his brother so animated. Mephisto continued with even more excitement. "This mountain is no ordinary hole in rock; it was once a place of the dwarves and as we all know dwarves have never settled any place not containing valuable ore or stone. Think of the gold Alexander. We could finally have our own kingdom, instead of serving under this shamble." There was a hint of resentment let out with the last of his speech.
Alexander's face became skewed with discontent. He grew angry when Mephisto spoke ill of their father. "Mephisto, why do you hold such hatred for our father, the king? Never mind your story for just a second. Why is it you are always studying abroad and never studying here with me?"
"My dear, sweet Alexander," Mephisto said with all the love his voice would allow, "I wish I could set your mind at ease. You live under him, you serve him with haste, and you bath in his love. Your loyalty to our father is even stronger than your loyalty to me, and as such you are not ready for such knowledge. One day brother, I will tell you, one day..." He trailed off noticing his brother's ear twitch.
Alexander felt the presence of another, and slowly tilted his head. He caught a glimpse of a guard running toward the palace door. "Brother, I know you are leaving again. Where will you go now? When will you return? Why did you tell me of this mountain?" He was quick to ask as he knew his brother would depart shortly.
Mephisto took a few paces back from Alexander and raised his hood to hide his face once again. He hastily said, "I have not the time to fill you in. I know you have not left these castle walls Alexander, but I want you to accompany me so we may bond and share a life together without father's thumb squashing us both. If you wish to know the truth, if you want to make your own path in life, then meet me in Sahmarut. I will afford you three days to make the journey. Find me at the inn by sunset." They both turned hearing the royal guards? armor clanking as they came pouring out into the courtyard.
"Halt Alexander, your father would like a word with you." The guards shouted with authority. Grinning, Mephisto pulled a small silver pendant from within the cloak. Grasping it, he muttered something Alexander couldn't make out and slowly began fading into the wind like a whisper.
With a heavy heart, Alexander turned to face the guards were rushing toward him, mumbling, "Never will get used to that." He always thought it unnatural to vanish, no matter how many times he'd seen his brother do it. He cringed at the sight of Sir Garland, his father's only knight. Garland's armor was white as pure snow, leaving nothing unprotected. The armor was thick and made of shined steel. He had a broad sword hanging loosely from his right hip, having a wider blade making parrying easier, and a heavy looking kite shield strapped to his right arm. The rest of the royal guards wore a dull, thin armor for mobility rather than protection. They carried simple short swords and small wooden bucklers.
"You know your father disproves of Mephisto being here instead of where his studies are. You should have reported it!" Sir Garland said in a booming voice, echoing off the thick stone walls. "He is going to be displeased that you did not alarm someone to his presence."
